Some things have been brewing in my head this holiday season concerning family and friends. Something someone once said to me was "your friends are the family you choose". And of course, when this particular little thing popped into my head tonight I thought of all the friends I've made on Facebook and the things we have in common. For those of us that are adoptees or first/natural moms we have a unique view of holidays and the difficult emotions we deal with each year; however, something else occurred to me that goes along with the friends and family and adoption.
We, as humans, do NOT have a choice in the family that we are given, whether our families are made "the old fashioned way" or provided by an adoption agency. I do not mean to negate or dismiss our unique position, but I would like to put some perspective on it. There are some great families and some totally dysfunctional families. There are some adoptees that have wonderful upbringings and some that have terrible childhoods. And the reverse is true also; there are some "natural" families that are horrible and some that make "Leave It To Beaver" look dysfunctional. No matter what, we really don't have any choice in the matter; we're babies, children, people that don't have any legal rights until we're 18 (at least in the US).
As we grow up we decide, we choose, what is important to us, what we're passionate about, and what we can shrug off. We as adopted people and natural moms that have realized the complete inequity of the adoption process have chosen to educate ourselves, to investigate this thing called adoption. I believe that the choice we have made is a good one, but I think it's good to keep in mind that no matter how our families were made or broken, in the beginning of all our lives, adopted, fostered, natural, NONE of us has any choice in how our lives begin. What matters is what we DO with our lives. Do we make our world better or do we bring others down? These are all choices we make.
What choices will you make in the year to come?
We, as humans, do NOT have a choice in the family that we are given, whether our families are made "the old fashioned way" or provided by an adoption agency. I do not mean to negate or dismiss our unique position, but I would like to put some perspective on it. There are some great families and some totally dysfunctional families. There are some adoptees that have wonderful upbringings and some that have terrible childhoods. And the reverse is true also; there are some "natural" families that are horrible and some that make "Leave It To Beaver" look dysfunctional. No matter what, we really don't have any choice in the matter; we're babies, children, people that don't have any legal rights until we're 18 (at least in the US).
As we grow up we decide, we choose, what is important to us, what we're passionate about, and what we can shrug off. We as adopted people and natural moms that have realized the complete inequity of the adoption process have chosen to educate ourselves, to investigate this thing called adoption. I believe that the choice we have made is a good one, but I think it's good to keep in mind that no matter how our families were made or broken, in the beginning of all our lives, adopted, fostered, natural, NONE of us has any choice in how our lives begin. What matters is what we DO with our lives. Do we make our world better or do we bring others down? These are all choices we make.
What choices will you make in the year to come?
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