Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Made the Change (What's in a Name)

Ok...I decided that I would change my "name" on my blog to Baby Girl Williams/Morse. While that isn't what appears on my birth certificate, it does honor my true biological father. I don't think it sounds as good as Williams/Hernandez, but then again I've only known about my biological father's name for a little over a week now, so it'll take some time to get used to it. I had about 15 years to get used to the other one, so I'll give it some time.

Since I don't actually plan on legally changing my name from what my adoptive parents named me (barring my wedding, of course), there are little ways I can honor my first parents, and I think this is a good way of starting.

That being said, I really DO like the name Danielle Williams-Morse. There is a part of me that is that person, and always has been, I just didn't realize it until Jan 11, 2010. And I'm the one that puts the hyphen in the last names. I suppose that for me, especially since I don't have a "given" (by my first parents) middle name, I could even call myself Spot. But this is a way, also, to give a nod to what my first mom called me during her pregnancy with me, and to honor my first dad, too. I don't think my first mom would mind.

Though, this does put in my mind the funny nature of names. My adoptive mother wanted to name me Paige, but my adoptive father and adoptive brother kept calling me Dana (that's the way my a-mom says it anyway) :) What blows me away is just how close Dana is to Danielle. I never really liked the name Dana. I don't know if this is an adoptee thing or just a person thing. I hear off and on from my children that they don't like a portion of their name. I think perhaps, like I read on another blog recently, that a person's name has more to do with their parents than with them. I agree with that sentiment to an extent. It certainly seems to fit my circumstance, however there are just some people that seem to "fit" their names better than others. I rather envy those people that confidence. The ironic thing is that I've always loved the name Daniel and Danielle. I like to think that my nickname growing up would have been Dani. Ironically, the pet name my a-dad gave me was Dane-ee (I spelled it phonetically so as to get the right sound across). Those aren't that far apart in sound, really. And my a-dad was the only one who ever called me that, too. I don't recall my a-mom calling me that.

But to me, for me, someone who doesn't believe in coincidence, I see that my a-dad, imperfectly, mind you, managed to tap into some collective sub-conscious when he named me Dana. My a-dad has had all sorts of interesting "otherly" type experiences, and I think this is one of them.

In the end, everyone knows me as Dana, my a-parents, my kids, my fiance...everyone. I will always keep tucked safely away, deep in my heart, the name Danielle, though. And while the name isn't overly uncommon, it's still MINE; something my first mom called me in her secret heart of hearts during the nine months we shared together.

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